Day 4

 Day 4 was a tough one personally. The day started off nicely thanks to Shiffy letting me sleep for an extra hour and a half (usually I get up with the kids but I haven't been sleeping too well). Then I davened, ate breakfast, and got to play with the kids. 

I so far have been unsuccessful at joining Miluim, and a potential lead I found turned me down this morning, as they don't need citizens at this stage. So there I was, trying to figure out what I could do, when I found out some devastating news. My friend from work (She is Sales Ops, I am Marketing Ops so we work very closely)'s sister, who was at the party, was found, not among the living. She was a girl, my age, that went to go dance at a party which turned to hell. While I was learning this and processing, I got a message on a group that said they needed people to dig (20!) graves at the Modiin cemetery. This was physically tough but the physical part wasn't even the tough part. There was about 15 of us, digging graves for our heroes, the ones that already fell and weren't yet announced, and Chas Veshalom future fallen heroes. The truck dug the gave themselves, and we collected dirt in bags to put inside the graves. One of the volunteers sponsored pizza for us, which was nice. I drove home with a kid who made aliyah last year. We went the slower way, through Modiin instead of around, in order to be able to stop and run into a random shelter if needed. 

From there, I drove home. While had been doing that, Shifra was home with the kids and Eliana's kids. She needed to put Meital to sleep, so I was in charge of lunch. For the first time, in a very long time, I made a tuna sanwich for my niece (after I couldn't convince her to just have the freaking avocado). Soon after, my mom and Shirli came to play. Was very nice to see them of course. Shirli bit a pitom off an Etrog, as a Segula for a healthy birth in March B'Ezrat Hashem. Shirli is at her parents, chilling with friends who have boyfriends/fiances down south as well. 

I drove Shirli home, and started to drive to Kfar Saba for the funeral. The roads were pretty empty. Every 60 seconds or so, I opened my window to see if I could hear a siren, but luckily I made it without a hitch. The funeral itself was heartbreaking. To see Yael (the sister)'s grandmother, parents, siblings, best friends, friends who were with her at the party) breaking down was very difficult. All she wanted to do was have fun at a party that turned into every person's worst nightmare. Her boyfriend who was with her was also shot, and is in critical condition in the hospital.

During the funeral, we heard many loud booms above us, but no sirens. They had shot towards Tel Aviv. So on the way back, I didn't get the Lions podcast escapism that I had been hoping for but rather I turned the radio on to listen to the news and be alerted in case anything was coming my way. I was literally driving towards where they had shot at 15 minutes before (I drove the fastest I have in years). Baruch Hashem, there were no sirents on my way home, but if there had been, I would have known what to do, because they kept mentioning it on the radio and I kept glancing to the right to figure out the best place to stop each time. There was traffic entering Modiin as each car was checked by volunteers.

I can't shake the news, I am constantly on my phone, I am constantly reading things about our fallen. I am also listening to the stories of what happened on that day, and it is absolutely Holocaust level terrifying (And I have NEVER compared anything to the Holocaust). We had a quick pasta dinner, and called it a day. It is hard to know what is the right way to act, what is appropriate, and what isn't.

I gave my kdis some extra hugs and kisses today, when more and more stories came out about the Yishuvim in the Otef. But Am Yisrael is together, front lines and back here, like never before.

Am Yisrael Chai.