Day 6

Today was as "normal" of a day as I could have expected. I went early in the day to the airport to welcome home two planes of reserve soldiers who had been on vacation, dropped everything, and made the decision to risk their lives for our beautiful country. My cousin Yehuda was one of these heroes, cutting short a trip to South America. There were flags, hugs, tears, singing, and mostly, Israeli pride. Once we dropped him off at my parents, I gave him a big hug, told him he's a hero and that I love him, and to keep safe.

It was a pretty quiet day in terms of rockets, which may mean they are saving them because they expect this to go on for a while. I worked more than I have been able to, and played with my kids more than I have been able to. E made sure that I locked all doors when he went to sleep. That is the most heartbreaking part of the whole thing.

But perhaps the best part of the day, was seeing a traffic circle next to my parents house, full of 16-17-18 year olds, dancing to Hebrew and uplifting music, with huge Israeli flags. And the cars that went through circle were honking, smiling, and taking videos. The Spirit of Israel is how I know we are going to prevail (I didn't say win because no matter what, we got hit very heavy on the first day).

I also almost finished my Kehillah Shabbat Shalom videos, from our citizens to our soldiers and reserve soldiers, and vice versa. Cant wait to launch it tomorrow. Our soldiers are holy and special people. 

I sent a long email to a Lions journalist who wrote things that made it seem at first glance that Israel was at fault. Looking forward to seeing his response.

And lastly, I moved the Google Sheet from yesterday to Monday. Waiting for reviews on that.

Am Yisrael Chai.

Day 5

The morning started, and I got to snuggle and play with my little ones. It was so fun to play and sing with them. I tried not to think about the little ones from "down south" (40 minute drive away from me) that I heard about yesterday, or the ones that were in captivity. Doing so makes me stop breathing. I also came to an internal agreement with myself today that I was done watching the horror videos of the massacres. The gates are the same as ours, the cars are the same as ours, the cribs are the same as ours. The people are me, and I am those people. But one day, we are going to get up off the floor, and have to rebuild our country. And we can't let Hamas beat us psychologically here as well. 

I then got to learn Gemara with my Grandfather on Zoom for the first time since before Yom Kippur. I spent the next couple hours doing work, but really I was mostly watching the news and trying to find a place to volunteer and be meaningful. This is a battle for our home, our lives, and our country, and I can't bear the thought of not being on the frontlines. But since I can't be, I am trying to make myself useful here. Then I found out about a citizen-run organization, that is handling some of the internal things during this conflict, that was looking for volunteers. I got in touch, drove to Jerusalem, and within 10 minutes of arrival, was already building out a Google Sheet/CRM with someone who works with one of Israel's Ministers. I can't get into those details, but lets just say I felt very meaningful, and finally got to be impactful on our safety, by using my skills from work. I will continue to work with them over the next few days to make it as helpful as possible. (Data, dashboards, CRM, etc.) Thank you especially to my boss's boss at my workplace (my boss is of course in reserves) for giving me the freedom to go do that instead of working. 

As I was in Jerusalem, I got notifications on my phone about drones and paratroopers from Lebanon, attacking our North. Now in general, Hezbollah is much scarier than Hamas (if you could even still say that after Shabbat), and they have very long range missiles. And here I was, 30 minutes from home, about to drive on the highways. I turned the radio on (I've had to listen to more radio in the last 2 days driving than probably my entire adult life combined - can we get back to Lions Podcasts already please? They are finally good!), and listened carefully. I had already had the radio on on the way to Jerusalem, with my heart pounding every time the radio host interrupted the conversation to say "Red Alert" and then the name of the city. During that time, one of those cities was Tel Aviv, meaning the rockets went over me, but thankfully I did not need to get out of the car and lie down with my hands on top of my head. I did of course drive super fast and was on the right lane at any point I could be in case I needed to quickly pull over. Anyway, on the way back from Jerusalem, I was listening even more intently. The North of Israel is my true love, it is the most beautiful place on earth. To hear the names of cities and the names of the most peaceful places and rivers and waterfalls, made my heart pound even more. To think about Noam the owner of the small supermarket where I used to work, or my 85 year old Rabbi, or even our old neighbors who are in their 70s and don't have a saferoom, is just so heartbreaking. I was literally up there two weeks ago at my Yeshiva in Kiryat Shmona. I also have many friends and family members currently stationed up there. Anyway, I got home without incident, though my heart pounding. Shifra wanted me to pick up dinner, but I just needed to get home. 

A few minutes after I got home, our Homefront Command sent a message that EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE COUNTRY needs to get into their shelter IMMEDIATELY. We started bringing the baby in (we do have 90 seconds), scared out of our minds, and had the internal debate - do we wake the big kids up. Now, heartbreakingly, E this evening seems to have figured out what is going on, because he was crying that he didn't want the bad guys to come to our house. We need to do a better job of sterilizing him it seems, but anyway, we were able to calm him down by telling him that if he's with us he will be okay. (Again, thoughts go to the 4 year olds in their home down by Gaza envelope who were promised similar things that could not be kept). Anyway, we decided to wait a couple minutes to check if it was a real message before waking them, and it turned out it was a false alarm. Apparently, it was also a false alarm up North while I was driving and so I am able to breathe again. 

Shifra and I decided we need to have some sense of normalcy as well. So after dinner, we played backgammon (she won). It was nice to have a few sane moments, that was kind of like a zoom in to the life we used to know, and hopefully, somehow, in some way, the life that will come back in some way soon. After dinner, we had a Zoom with Shlomo Katz, and also Tehillim with our Rabbi as we do every night. 

I got some serious goosebumps today while watching the videos from 2 AM last night, when our youth came to the airport to sing and dance and properly welcome home our soldiers who had been abroad, and who got on a charter flight home, to immediately go and protect us. My cousin will actually be on one of those tomorrow, which I hope I can go to. 

As I keep telling people who are asking, our hearts are broken, we are scared of what comes next, but our spirit and Israeli Pride is high. Just listening to the HEROIC stories of our citizens and soldiers of what happened on that fateful Shabbat and Simchat Torah day, is so moving that we have these heroes among us, that will go down in history forever. 

Am Yisrael Chai. 

Day 4

 Day 4 was a tough one personally. The day started off nicely thanks to Shiffy letting me sleep for an extra hour and a half (usually I get up with the kids but I haven't been sleeping too well). Then I davened, ate breakfast, and got to play with the kids. 

I so far have been unsuccessful at joining Miluim, and a potential lead I found turned me down this morning, as they don't need citizens at this stage. So there I was, trying to figure out what I could do, when I found out some devastating news. My friend from work (She is Sales Ops, I am Marketing Ops so we work very closely)'s sister, who was at the party, was found, not among the living. She was a girl, my age, that went to go dance at a party which turned to hell. While I was learning this and processing, I got a message on a group that said they needed people to dig (20!) graves at the Modiin cemetery. This was physically tough but the physical part wasn't even the tough part. There was about 15 of us, digging graves for our heroes, the ones that already fell and weren't yet announced, and Chas Veshalom future fallen heroes. The truck dug the gave themselves, and we collected dirt in bags to put inside the graves. One of the volunteers sponsored pizza for us, which was nice. I drove home with a kid who made aliyah last year. We went the slower way, through Modiin instead of around, in order to be able to stop and run into a random shelter if needed. 

From there, I drove home. While had been doing that, Shifra was home with the kids and Eliana's kids. She needed to put Meital to sleep, so I was in charge of lunch. For the first time, in a very long time, I made a tuna sanwich for my niece (after I couldn't convince her to just have the freaking avocado). Soon after, my mom and Shirli came to play. Was very nice to see them of course. Shirli bit a pitom off an Etrog, as a Segula for a healthy birth in March B'Ezrat Hashem. Shirli is at her parents, chilling with friends who have boyfriends/fiances down south as well. 

I drove Shirli home, and started to drive to Kfar Saba for the funeral. The roads were pretty empty. Every 60 seconds or so, I opened my window to see if I could hear a siren, but luckily I made it without a hitch. The funeral itself was heartbreaking. To see Yael (the sister)'s grandmother, parents, siblings, best friends, friends who were with her at the party) breaking down was very difficult. All she wanted to do was have fun at a party that turned into every person's worst nightmare. Her boyfriend who was with her was also shot, and is in critical condition in the hospital.

During the funeral, we heard many loud booms above us, but no sirens. They had shot towards Tel Aviv. So on the way back, I didn't get the Lions podcast escapism that I had been hoping for but rather I turned the radio on to listen to the news and be alerted in case anything was coming my way. I was literally driving towards where they had shot at 15 minutes before (I drove the fastest I have in years). Baruch Hashem, there were no sirents on my way home, but if there had been, I would have known what to do, because they kept mentioning it on the radio and I kept glancing to the right to figure out the best place to stop each time. There was traffic entering Modiin as each car was checked by volunteers.

I can't shake the news, I am constantly on my phone, I am constantly reading things about our fallen. I am also listening to the stories of what happened on that day, and it is absolutely Holocaust level terrifying (And I have NEVER compared anything to the Holocaust). We had a quick pasta dinner, and called it a day. It is hard to know what is the right way to act, what is appropriate, and what isn't.

I gave my kdis some extra hugs and kisses today, when more and more stories came out about the Yishuvim in the Otef. But Am Yisrael is together, front lines and back here, like never before.

Am Yisrael Chai. 

Day 3

 Here we are, Day 3 of war. This nightmare is still a reality, and as more information comes out, its getting worse. I've called and emailed the Miluim people, so far no way for me to directly do anything. So I am doing my best. Today I played with my kids and nieces (who's dad went to the border), and also grilled more for IDF. We had a Tehillim group with Rav Sobol and the younger kids. 

We had update meetings with both Pano teams. On Finance team, we spoke about Yellena's siter who is still missing from the party. On Marketing team, she basically told us to not work if we don't feel like it, which I certainly don't.

As we were having dinner, I got a notification from Pikud HaOref, that said to prepare for 72 hours of being stuck in a mamad (bottled water, dried goods, etc.). I ran out, and the scene in the supermarket was crazy. The main things were already taken, but I just started indiscriminately pouring stuff into my cart that could last. I also got some things for my parents. When I got there, there were only about 5 people in the entire store, but by the time I paid for my stuff, just the line behind me had 20 people. So I decided to volunteer to help bag things for people, which they very much appreciated. As helpless as I feel that I can't be on the frontlines, I am doing my best to help what I can back here. 

Shifra as well is doing her part (so proud of her) - she is expressing 2 liters of breast milk for babies who's mothers can't right now, due to death, captivity, or injury. I can't believe the words I am writing, its seriously unprecedented times, and somehting I would have never expected to write in 2023 or on this blog. 

We also collected baked goods and letter from the Youth in our shul, and I sent pictures of the letters to all our (130!) soldiers who are currently in. That number by the way is astounding when you think about this community and who its made up of. 

There are rumblings about this turning into something bigger, including Lebanon, but America has sent over an aircraft carrier with aircrafts as a warning to them and Iran. So far towards Hamas we have been active, but I hope we haven't even grazed the bottom of what we are about to do. 

Later at night, Fry video called me. We spoke for about 10 minutes, it was so great to see him. He said they are near Chevron, he feels great, its great to see his guys again, morale is high, his best friend is their commander. Gosh am I proud of that kid. 

Am Yisrael Chai.

Day 2

 Early update from today: Fry was called up. He took a bus down to Bach Givati, where he and his unit are staying. Daveniing for Ephraim Doron ben Aviva Dina to stay safe. I could not be prouder of that guy (and maybe a little jealous). May Hashem watch over him and his entire unit, and the whole IDF.

On a personal note, it was a weird day. I went from playing with the kids (and Eliana's kids) to checking my phone, setting up Zooms for the youth with the Rabbi and DG music. I volunteered at GFIDF which was very cool. We made burgers and steaks, sandwiches, and salads for soldiers who are putting their lives at risk to protect us. I would love to do that again, and feel like I am participating while all my friends/family get to do Miluim and I can't. Also tomorrow I will be trying to volunteer for Miluim again. 

The pictures and images are horrifying, and hopefully our real esponse will come strongly and soon. 

Is this real life?? Our 9/11

Simchat Torah 2023 will not soon be forgotten by anyone. (Last night was very nice, great dancing in Shul etc. - and that is the last normal thing that happened on the holiday/Shabbat this year.) 

We happen to live in Modiin, which usually is one of the safest places that can be. And so when we woke up, to nonstop booms for 3 hours, it felt like something was going on, but we didn't know exactly what. We couldn't find out exactly, but knew something was up. I went to shul, which was very quick. Only one song at Hallel, one song for each Hakafa, and moved to downstairs where a little bit safer. The whole Davening, rumors were going around, but some of them were too crazy to imagine.

I had Kol Hanearim Aliyah, which is the Aliyah where all the children join in. My dad went to get Hadar and Eitan, and I was lucky enough to have them with me. In my mind, I had Kavana for myself, my kids, all kids in Shul, all parents who are having fertility issues and want kids, and also praying for the safety of all children in Israel. The kids went home immediately after, which ended up being great timing. 

All of this led to perfect timing of Modiin's first siren - in the middle of Mussaf Kedusha. Without thinking, I went against the flow of people, and sprinted the hardest I ever have to Shifra's parents' house, where I knew my kids were. Tallit still on me, Kippa in my hand, I just knew I could make it down to her house and up the flights of stairs to the Bomb Shelter, where I knew they would be. Sure enough, I made it about 45 seconds before the familiar booms of the Iron Dome upstairs. We explained to Eitan that Israel is telling us to go in the special room, and that its safe. Then we distracted with gamesI didn't go back to shul. From there, we walked VERY quickly to my parents for lunch, and stayed there for most of the day. 

When we got back home, we immediately started a Simchat Torah songs + Mordechai Shapiro songs dance party with the kids. Definitely the best part of a difficult day that was about to get much worse once we turned the news on. 

Somehow, many many terrorists broke into Israel's Southern Kibbutzim, and started going door to door, shooting, lynching, and kidnapping innocent men, women, children, grandparents, and in short - people just like me and you. Kids of all ages, mothers, and all of the above. Simultaneously, they shot THOUSANDS of rockets into Israel, all over the place. There was a party that they shot up, and kidnapped many people. 

And the worst part is, this feels like a dramatic loss, no matter what we do to respond. By far the worst day in Israel's history, with the numbers already over 300 dead and 1500 injured. There are many "Victory Images" - taking over Yishuvim and Kibbutzim, bases, police stations, killing high ranking commanders, bringing SO MANY hostages back, driving an IDF vehicle back into Gaza, talk (not confirmed) about rape. And lots of helplessness, with a feeling like no one is steering this ship. Until now, we have not yet retaliated back, and we better retaliate back heavily. We just need to be careful about how due to the hostage situation. 

And as we catch up on the news that was going on while we were semi-blissfully celebrating our Holiday and Shabbat - it becomes more personal. I hear about my friend from my Navy boat, still missing. I hear about a close friend from work, who's sister and her boyfriend were at that party, still missing. I hear about another close friend from work, who was in a building that suffered a direct hit today in Netivot (Thank G-d, in a shelter so physically unharmed). I hear that my friend's (who already lost a best friend and brother in terrorist attacks) brother's house was broken into by terrorists, and he is among the injured. I hear that my brother in law and wife's cousin are on the border, ready to go in when called upon. I hear that my uncle was called up for reserves, and that my cousin was called out of his home during the Holiday. I hear that my boss and closest teammate at work have been called up too. I hear that two of my close friends have been called up. I hear that my brother and other brother in law are on alert. 

A hard part is the feeling of helplessness - I don't have reserve duty, so I am scrambling to volunteer for anything I can. And another hard part is - we may not even know how bad it is - it keeps getting worse with every report. And a third hard part is, I am sure my cousins and family members out of Israel are getting reports, but due to Simchat Torah, it will be about 48 hours before they can actually check the news and check in with us. I am trying to contact them through non-Jews I see on their Facebooks but so far not working. 

May we know better days soon, may we all stay safe, may the hostages be returned, and may we end this and restore our pride quickly.